Rebel Without a Cause

sterling notebook

Dec. 13, 2006  Wednesday 1:35pm, a friend give me this notebook, he give it to me without a reason, kasi di ko naman bday nuon., at the first page He write this

Karen,
Write all you want your heart desires.... your dreams... your heart aches.... and enjoy Life!, 'tas basahin mo paulit ulit ung mga sinulat mo pag wala YU gingawa... tignan mo, matatawa ka...
Enjoy!
Gregg

The second page dated May 19, 2007, di un ung unang araw na nag sulat ako sa notebook., un lang ung unang araw na nag sulat ako na para sa akin, i used to write imagining i was writing for someone, and i will quote myself sa first line ko "i just closed a chapter of my life" di lang close pinilas ko pa ung mga page na un., my last entry to the notebook was July 22, 2008., reading it again after more than 2 years... Hinde ako natatawa, but reading it again it makes me think ako ba nag sulat nito., ako ba to, sobrang ayaw ko pala nang work ko dati, and it took me 4 yrs to finally resign, it make me sad kasi may nabasa ako., and i quote myself again "Once i dream i dream to be a teacher, (the truth is since grade school gusto ko na maging teacher, and if anyone look at my high school dimension, ambition in life: to became a teacher)I want to be a pre school teacher, i want to tell stories, teach songs kahit wala ako sa tono, kasi only little children, who doesn't mind even I'm out of tune. teach them, I really love children kasi lahat sa kanila simple, napaka daling i please, pero mahina ako, i turn my back to my dream" reading it again., it makes me feel the same, kala ko nung nag simula ako mag turo., it was me making my dreams pero ang hirap pala ang hirap maging Guro. it so hard to be a part of student life., to make an impact parang nagalalakad lang sila., na sooner lalagpasan nila ako. di ko alam kung pano pa sila aabutin, maybe i start again., maybe next time it would be different. turning another some page i found something, a poem...


You Know What?

I might not be a good conversationalist (di ko sure ano meaning nito wala lang)
But i know one day i will
I might not be the pretties girl
But i know i know i have the sweetest smile

I might not be a good person
You know i always try to be
I might not the Best friend
You know i always care

I might not be a good daughter
I know i will do anything if i have one
I might not the person you love now
I know it doesn't matter no

You might not love me
You will never love me
You know what? I've truly love you
You know that's make a person

Coz i know Now how to love knowing i will not be love.

Di na mahalaga kung masaya o ma lungkot naka sulat sa notebook ko. kung may halaga o wala., wala na din akong magagawa naka sulat nalang sila., it just i memory. pero isa lang ang alam ko ngayon kaylangan ko na ulit bumili nang notebook kasi gusto ko nang mag sulat ulit. at sana sa susunod na babasahin ko un matatawa na ako...

Tree, Grass and Soil

The tree looks down to the grass and said

The bird choose me to be home

The child plays in my strong branches

The farmer will rest in my shade

And lovers do come to grave their name

The grass looks up and envies the tree

I’m just a grass the children steps on

The farmers always removed and burn

And no lovers will lie without a blanket

Then a storm came

The soil said

Tree you look yourself so High

Grass you look yourself so down

But now you’re both on ground